Tuesday, October 4, 2011

TMI Tuesday: October 4, 2011

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

1. What’s the worst reason you have been given for breaking up?

ANS: Honestly, I do not recall a man ever breaking up with me. As a teen boyfriends never broke up with me. In college, I dated a lot but no serious relationships. Therefore, because there was no concrete established relationship the boys and I just kind of drifted apart once the interest waned. I had one serious b.f. in college but no break up was needed, he graduated. Let's see... As an adult, the men just sort of drift off. They never really confront you. In a few of these situations it was hurtful, and so that I could wipe the slate clean, I had a conversation that pretty much laid out that we weren't working and "it's over."

2. What’s the worst reason you gave, to someone, for breaking up?

ANS: Oh boy! I don't know what I've said. I'm always very diplomatic, succinct and firm. Sometimes I've stuck to my guns, on two occasions I did not. I went back to dating or having a loose relationship until that "fallout" relationship was absolutely not giving me anything.

3. Have you ever engineered the end of a relationship e.g doing something you know will put the other person off? If yes, what did you do?

ANS: No. I just tell you I don't want to be with you. It may take me months to get up the nerve if I am deeply, emotionally involved but I do it.

4. Have you ever stayed with a partner just because you could not bear to end the relationship?

ANS: Yes. Not because I dreaded having to act to end the relationship but because there was too much to lose at that point in time.

5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to end a relationship? What happened? Are you still friends?

ANS: Yes...very gingerly. I learned at a much younger age NEVER tell a friend to leave the horrible person that they are with and love. They have to see it for themselves. In this particular instance, my friend would express displeasure with her mate or the relationship and I would use that sort of psychiatrist technique of asking questions that illuminated the situation for her and showed how she was being harmed, not satisfied or whatever. Many times it was just a matter of regurgitating things she had already said but at just the right moments. Once her eyes opened, she saw just how bad the guy was and how he was using her. The situation turned out to be far far worse than I had known.

Are we still friends? Yes, and she thanks me often for making her "see the light". She has remarked that I never said, "oh you should leave so and so...or so and so is just awful."

Bonus: Have you ever been the cause of a relationship to end? Tell us about it.

ANS: In high school, yes. But that doesn't count. Hell you should be dating and meeting lots of people to explore and learn. As an adult, no. Some relationships may have ended but I wasn't the cause. The relationship was already in trouble, I was just a symptom of something that was already not working or had fallen apart and the people had not walked away.


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Jack and Jill said...

Your answer to #5 resonates. While friends have come to me for relationship advice, I tend not to give unsolicited advice. While it sucks to see a friend in a bad situation, I value my friendships too much to stick my nose in their business unless they ask, and make it clear that they're not just looking for platitudes. Ultimately it's their choice to remain in a shitty relationship. Glad the situation with your friend worked out for the best, and that you are still friends. In the bonus answer you say, "Some relationships may have ended, but I wasn't the cause. The relationship was already in trouble, I was just a symptom of something that was already not working or had fallen apart..." I like your perspective here, and wish I'd been better able to believe it when I hooked up with someone who was already involved.

Great read as always! Happy TMI Tuesday!


Jz said...

I'm impressed you have the knack of firm. My attempts at kind yet firm are often met with assumptions that I'm saying, "try again later."

I actually had to tell one guy, "It's not going to happen. Not now, not in a hundred years."

To which he responded, "Well, I'm glad there's hope in 101!"

*big bruise on forehead from beating head on wall*

TemptingSweets99 said...

LOL! I like that e-card featured in question #2. Too funny.

heelsnstocking said...

love your answers but it does look like im the bad girl again! (but we never doubted that i suppose)

Smooches back at you xx

dangerousdelight said...

I loved the e-card! lol

I feel as though we are kindred spirits, we think alike in so many ways ;)


Hedone said...

Ahh...and I'm in such good company.